I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
