i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
