I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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