I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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