idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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