shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
