An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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