He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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