We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
