My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
