??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
