only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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