I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
