Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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