I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
