After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize