...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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