I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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