Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
