I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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