I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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either way he was missing a nipple.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dear god my vagina.
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