When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
