hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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