He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize