I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
