I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Life is so much better after having sex.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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