I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
