I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
