I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think people are normalizing furries
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