Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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