Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need water and some morals
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
