I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
