im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
