Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
