I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
