I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
