Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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