It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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