all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
