Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
