Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
