ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
