I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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