We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
