I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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