my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
