Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize