matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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