i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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