I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
