Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
