It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
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It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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