you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
