Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
