sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
