i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
