I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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