I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
