It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize