I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
