You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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