wanna go halves on a baby?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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