I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
