O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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