i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
