you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
