my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
