chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
